#if i ever influence you in any way

[just-spacetrash]

how do i make you guys read monstrous regiment without spoiling the whole thing

[devilsskettle]

The X trilogy + "psycho-biddy" influences

[jade-of-mourning]

sorry sometimes i think about mako and my heart hurts so much. this kid raised himself and his brother on the streets in homelessness and utter poverty from eight through fifteen, promptly after seeing the violent death of his mother and father. he turned to the triple threats because they couldn't survive as a pair of wretched kids without any adult support, and the environment forced him to turn into the exact character that killed his parents in a terrible twist of irony. and after sheer-fucking-luck hits and they aren't homeless anymore, their livelihood wavers on the outcome of what's a literally game to everyone but them; and after things are finally starting to look up and their team is going places and things just might be okay, his gradually stabilizing world unceremoniously expands and everything goes to shit.

and the city that chewed him up and spat him back out, ruined him as a child and took away his ability to stay afloat in a true sense of normalcy as an adult — when it's on the verge of destruction and falling to pieces before his eyes, he gives himself to save it with the full expectation to die. he went from the kid who didn't and couldn't care about anything outside of himself and his brother, to finding redemption for his younger self in his police work despite its injustice against him, to willingly sacrificing himself to a world that had never loved him.

he's a desperate people pleaser, socially and emotionally stunted for the adult he had to be as a kid, unable to navigate interpersonal relationships easily yet still trying his damned hardest. he's intensely and entirely devoted to the things that matter to him and for so long it was only him, bolin, and ensuring their survival — yet by the end, that devotion has expanded to protecting the rest of the world. he starts out entirely self-reliant and ends in trusting the people he cares about to know their own needs, to be able to take care of themselves, to be okay without him despite having spent so much of his life defined by his role in others' well-being.

just. what the fuck i'm such a big fan of this fictional guy and i'm unashamed about it at this point. also let him cry please (if you won't i'll do it i'll let him cry)

[st-dionysus]

.

[coleramse]

win the fight, save your life.

[camzverse]

Nooo cam u dont want to analyze the psychology behind mikes actions in the bite of 83 even though scott didnt put anywhere near your amount of thought into it noo dont do that. freak

[lucalicatteart]

A few little sketches of some possible school uniforms for mage schools/learning centers for magic/etc. :0c Though because Nanyevimi is so scattered and disconnected, it'd actually vary much more by region (like not everywhere would have a cultural concept of what a suit jacket or neck tie looks like lol), so it's probably unrealistic for so many of them to follow too many traditional Uniform Conventions from cultures in our world, etc. But, still, fun to mess around with designs, and think about which would be most fun to wear/what school you'd go to just based off the clothing lol~

[guinevereslancelot]

decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy

[elftwink]

have to work on a project today and an unrelated thing happened that just made me so so so so so mad (just some irl personal stuff), which normally derails my entire day because i find it so hard to come out of the angry/upset state and tend to just circle back and obsess over whatever triggered it but! today after 20 minutes of that i had a council meeting about it (<- what i call my decision making process) the outcome of which was putting it aside (!!!) for later when i could actually talk about it and resolve it (!!!) & in the meantime we could just do other stuff.

local man exuberant and jubilated to achieve feats of basic emotional self-regulation and was seen excitedly telling reporters he "never thought this day would come" and began giving a thank you speech to nobody in particular. more on this story as it develops

[snekdood]

i mean i should probably stop saying shit just to be mean

[selvepnea]

Been thinking about my body a lot

[wild-at-mind]

I think the worst kind of intra-left arguing is 'look how the people who aren't quite like me don't care about x!' and the evidence given is all about posting on social media. (Lack of it/amount of it, subject matter of it etc.)

[keikoayano]

I could be totally wrong with the instrument here but I’m having thoughts

In Just a Man immediately after Odysseus says “how could I hurt you?” the next couple notes that play sound like a trumpet to me - which leads me down the rabbit hole of “this is Odysseus being ruthless in order to protect his family and kingdom by killing an actual baby” and the whole Poseidon is represented by a trumpet and his theme of ruthlessness is mercy whICH JUST????????? THERE IS SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THAT

[the-travelling-witch]

me when tamashina mina event soon

let me iiiinnnnnnnn!!

i’ll also get birthday messages soon waahhhhh >.<

[griseldabanks]

Had a facepalm moment earlier of discovering the brilliant fic you wrote for someone’s Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan prompt and hoping you’d write more, and then…several days later…realizing…PROMPTS. That’s how this works. Anyway, can’t believe I didn’t send you one earlier, but: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan for "I missed you”, if you’re up for it?

Let Me Count the Ways ask game

It had been a long, exhausting day, but Obi-Wan didn't feel tired in the least. Packing up all of his belongings (few as they were) and moving them across the Dune Sea would have been a tiring endeavor, even if he hadn't just come from a harrowing trip halfway across the galaxy. And then, of course, there was a new cave to find, preliminary preparations to be made before nightfall in order to make his new home habitable...but none of that mattered.

Wrapping his cloak around himself against the chill of the desert night, Obi-Wan sat on the shelf of rock where he'd placed his bedroll. He pulled his legs up onto the blanket, closed his eyes, and opened himself to the Force.

Warmth and light that had nothing to do with his small heating unit suffused him from the inside out. For a moment, he hesitated. Then he reached out tentatively and murmured, “Master Qui-Gon?”

“Obi-Wan.”

His eyes popped open, and there, sitting beside him on the rock as if he'd been there the whole time, was Qui-Gon. Translucent and tinged blue—like a hologram and yet not—Qui-Gon looked the same as he had the day he'd died. The same twinkle in his eyes, the same hint of humor lingering in the creases at the corners of his eyes, in the twitch of his beard, in the lilt of his voice....

“You're here,” was all Obi-Wan could think to say.

Qui-Gon nodded patiently. “So I am.”

“I missed you.” Unbidden, tears welled up in his eyes. “I missed you so much, Qui-Gon.”

Qui-Gon's eyebrows knitted together with a look of sympathy. “I know.”

If he'd been here physically, he would have reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. Now, he didn't move, but Obi-Wan felt a gentle ripple in the Force washing over him, warm and familiar. Obi-Wan closed his eyes to savor that feeling, something he hadn't experienced in so long.

How many times a day would Obi-Wan feel that presence brush against his, like the touch of a hand? Checking to see where the other was, reassurance in a moment of trouble, a brief reminder or admonishment that needed no words. As unique and unmistakable as a voice, as a fingerprint forever marked in his soul.

And yet, for some twenty-odd years, he hadn't felt Qui-Gon's presence even once.

When Obi-Wan opened his eyes, he felt like a boy again. Like that twelve-year-old boy who had just become a Padawan and wondered if he would ever truly please his Master.

“I needed you,” he whispered, the desperation in his own voice surprising him. “I called to you, again and again. Where were you?”

Qui-Gon's eyes were as kind as ever as he folded his arms inside the voluminous sleeves of his robe. “Tell me, Padawan: What happens to us when we die?”

Now he really did feel like a boy again. This was a question even the youngest of younglings could answer. “We become one with the Force.”

Qui-Gon nodded, as though that settled the matter.

It didn't take a genius to understand what Qui-Gon was getting at. The dead became one with the Force, and the Force was a Jedi's constant companion. In a way, Qui-Gon had never really left.

And yet, Obi-Wan still couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment. He dropped his gaze to his hands clasped in his lap. “There have been so many times I needed your guidance, Master,” he whispered. “And never, not once, did I hear your voice.”

“And were you listening?” Qui-Gon's voice was gentle, oh so gentle, but still it made shame swirl in Obi-Wan's gut.

Because he hadn't been listening. He had closed himself off from the Force for so long, terrified of being found out, of being hunted down, of unintentionally betraying Luke to those who would kill him in an instant. And if he didn't leave even the slightest crack open for the Force to seep through, that meant Qui-Gon couldn't reach him either.

He really was like a child. A child with his fingers in his ears, demanding to know why no one would talk to him.

A warm brush of the Force, like a consoling hand placed on his back. Qui-Gon didn't even have to say anything, because he had already said it a thousand times, in a thousand situations over the years they'd worked together. Accept the shame, then let it go. You are not your mistakes. Learn from them, and they will help you grow.

Taking a deep breath, Obi-Wan envisioned his lungs filling with stale air from the years he had languished here on Tatooine. The years he had let the burden of his guilt press down on his shoulders till he could hardly raise his head in the morning. Then he breathed out, imagining the guilt and shame floating out like wisps of smoke on the air.

Opening eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed, Obi-Wan turned to look at Qui-Gon again. “I called to you when I went to face Vader.”

Qui-Gon nodded, eyes warm with compassion. “I was there.”

“I needed you...so many times...here on Tatooine.”

“I was there.”

Qui-Gon's form wavered, and Obi-Wan blinked, letting tears trickle into his beard. “When...I went to confront Anakin...on Mustafar...when I-I thought that I had...that I had....”

All he could see was his master's eyes, full of sympathy and compassion, understanding and acceptance. “I was there, Obi-Wan.”

For a moment, he held Qui-Gon's gaze. Then he dropped his head into his hands and let the tears flow. “So...every time....”

“Always.”

“You saw...every time I've failed....”

“And every success.” Like a warm blanket, Qui-Gon's presence folded around him in an embrace he felt in the depths of his soul. “I am proud of you, Obi-Wan. You have become a greater man and a greater Jedi than I ever could have foreseen.”

The heat of the twin suns seemed lodged permanently in Obi-Wan's chest. “Only because of your guidance, Master.”

They smiled at each other, and even though they looked nothing like they had when Obi-Wan had been an apprentice, the connection between them was as strong as ever.

[hallwyeoo]

Ramble-y analysis (?)of Joel as a protector, and his relationship to this identity and masculinity.

A scene from tlou pt1 that was always really striking to me is Tommy and Joel’s discussion in the dam.

“this is how you’re gonna repay me huh?” “Repay you?” “For all those goddamn years I took care of us!” “Took care? That’s what you call it? I got nothing but nightmares from those years” “you survived because of me!” “Yeah, and it wasn’t worth it.”

Specifically Tommy’s final response there. Acknowledging that even though he did only survive because of Joel, the price of that survival was too high.

Tommy knows joel kept him alive, but also confronts him with the idea that not everyone wants that protection or the consequences of it. Sometimes, the price and consequences of (immediate, haha) survival are ones that the person would rather not deal with!

Both Tommy and Ellie are people who deeply care for Joel and view him as family (Tommy moreso in a traditional kinship relationship and Ellie In more of a fictive kinship, but family nonetheless). Joel is shown to be incredibly driven to protect both of them, even if they may not ask for it. I’d even go as far as to say that in the process of reinforcing his role as protector, he (to some degree, and not consciously I think) has to degrade/undermine their efficacy and autonomy. If Tommy is a grown man who doesn’t need saving or protection, then to play the protective big brother Joel has to place Tommy back into the role of ‘idealistic little brother who gets himself into shit and needs me to get him out’ (which in the game ultimately lead to their separation, which sounded pretty intense)

And to a larger degree (because of the fact that he’s had a daughter before, and he’s very familiar with the power dynamics of a nuclear family father/daughter relationship. Meanwhile Ellie doesn’t fully agree to that and consistently seeks autonomy, equality, and respect within their relationship [“im not her yknow” “I can take care of myself!” Asking for a gun, running off at the dam, etc.] while also understanding that Joel does have years of experience on her and sometimes it’s best to listen to him.) I think Joel does this to Ellie.

In the hospital, the decision he makes robs Ellie of her autonomy. All the while, he knows what decision she would’ve made and exactly how not okay she’d be with what’s going down. (Using only the first game/season1 as a source, Ellie’s resolve right before the hospital paired with Joel’s lie and the implication of their final convo.) This is the shining example to me of Joel’s tendency to just do shit and make choices for other people because it’s ‘what’s best’ in his eyes, while sorta disregarding or ignoring that they probably have their own opinions on what’s best.

While I understand Joel’s actions, when you look at how his protector role makes him overstep boundaries, make choices and calls for others, etc (we will see more of this in s2/pt2 as well) you begin to see how (despite serving him over the years) it has crippled his relationships with others. to protect, someone has to be protected, and they may not want or need that. Both Tommy and Ellie can handle themselves, and while they appreciate Joel’s protection at times, being constantly protected can feel infantilizing, especially when someone takes actions you don’t agree with to protect you or stops you from defending yourself. It can feel that they view you as incapable or helpless.

Joel placing such heavy importance on being a protector, on taking on all the heavy burden, on being the big tough guy leaves him in a rough place when the people around him need him to rely on them or to be protected by them. I think it’s very tied to his identity as a father, older brother, caretaker, and protector. This identity serves a community role, but ultimately an over-reliance on it means that when your community needs something other than violence or physical resources from you, you can’t deliver. When Ellie needs to talk about Henry, Sam, and Tess, Joel shuts her down. When Tommy says “I have a family now”, Joel brushes past it. Into pt2, we see Joel slowly accept that this urge isn’t the best, although it still happens with Seth etc etc etc.

Imo, his relationship with his identity, masculinity, and emotions end up sometimes creating a resentment or tension between him and the people he cares about.

Tess says in their final conversation,

“Guess what, we’re shitty people, Joel. It’s been that way for a long time.”

And Joel responds,

“No, we are survivors!”

And I think that that is a very good glance into how Joel contextualizes his actions and relates them back to his identity.

I have no idea how to wrap this up but yeah. TLDR: Joel has a habit of forcing his protection onto people, which can put them into situations where they don’t get a say in what goes down. He’s internalized his role as a dad and older brother (but mostly just the “provide physical needs” and “protect” parts, as well as carrying some degree of toxic masculinity with him) and takes pride in it to the point where some of his other skills (like emotional intimacy or vulnerability) have almost atrophied. Both Tommy and Ellie were put in situations where they would have died without Joel, but come out the other side upset that he interfered and removed their say in the matter. What joel views as necessary is not always what others want/need and Joel sorta inserts himself into that equation so that he can protect them (reinforcing his identity) and himself (not lose loved ones).

Also he’s babygirl, thanks for coming to my Ted talk!